So today i want to to talk about my role models, those that i always look up to as an example and my trend-setters. Well i have been thinking about them and what makes them special to add them to my list or what make me think i want to be like them. It's rather absurd that most of them of them were either drug addicts, are dead or people term them as nuts but i love them.

So first, what do i look for in a role model? See, basically role models are people that we want to be like but as for me, they are people who were somehow like me but i want to be either bigger or better than them so that's why somehow you'll find them as people that society really never appreciated them that much...but i love them because, it is from them that i have learned how to deal with certain stuff and people and life in general, 'cause i say "if he could manage to rise above that problem why can't i?"

So without further a due, let me get  to them...

1. Marilyn Monroe

Yes, Norma Jeane Mortenson, widely known as Marilyn Monroe. Okay right now i know she is a figure that a lot of girls and dudes look up to and worship, plus statics show that she is the celebrity figure that has gained the most fame after her death than when she was alive. Her merchandise have surpassed E. Presley's and M. Jackson's and even The Beatles. 50 years after her death and her fan base keeps grown more and more each and everyday. I must say i am proud of her, i'd want my legacy to live on like that, i'd rather be famous after my death than when i'm alive, because after you die you become a god among men. So what makes Norma Jeane a tick? Well looking at her personal life growing up, she went through some evil stuff like being stuffed into a bag by her own mother, moving from one foster home to another, sexual assaults and torture among others and despite all these she held her dream in her heart that one day she'd grow into a big star. Even after her breakthrough, trouble did not seem to have abandoned her. Most of her relationships were a wreck and when you follow her story well you'll notice she was the girl screaming in the Cinderella dress. Despite the fame and everything, she just wanted to be normal but she could never match the patch....the misunderstood type. Basically that's the type of person that i am too. Despite always being the adored, i still feel like i never belong plus my life is always full of drama and that which everybody want to poke there nose in and not to forget my past, i grew up around some really harsh environment. I love her in the fact despite all the drama she managed to rise and sit with presidents and made herself a brand that people will forever remember. I don't wish to sit among kings and queens but i do hope that my work will some day be the voice to the ones always shut out. Like Norma once said, "Behind the make up and behind the smile, i am just a girl who wishes for the world"...so to shut the speculations, i hope you understand that i love her not just because she is a Gemini, but for many reasons.
R.I.P Monroe, i wish you could see how much we love you now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_Monroe

2. Eminem

Yeah, this is the part that everybody always goes "What the heck?" and i answer, "you heard me right." Marshal Bruce Mathers III is my second role model. We pretty much all know the background of Marshal. Growing in the black neighborhood, growing up without a dad and his relationship with his mom plus being one of the first white rappers emerging into rap industry. I am not going to go into so much details of his life but we all know him and either love or hate Marshal from his rebel attitude and from him i have come to learn that the society always wants to create you into whoever it wants, thus making a lot of people afraid to stand up and stand out. Everybody is made to believe that speaking your mind is being imperfect and thus if you speak what you think, you are not good. Well most call Marshall a bad influence but i have never heard it anywhere stated that Hailie his daughter, is smoking pot or not going to school, that makes him somebody that can foster a good child then...i speak my mind a lot and i am basically not harmed by it, for i know that when i bottle all that stuff up in me, i'll either end up retarded or dead by 25. From Marshall i have learned that, do whatever you love, go for your dreams at the end of the day not everybody will approve your path. From him i learned that, the pains that people cause me, i can them use as the stones to build myself with, after all being different does not make you a victim but special. "I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There's no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it."

3 David
I am talking about David from the Old Testament for those who know what bible is :') ...I understand to some people he is just a make up story just like superman and stuff, but when the only book you get to read as a child looking for a better tomorrow is bible, then you'll believe that he is real. To me not only is he real, but also my hero. From what aspects though? Well i am a Christian and all those who are like me know that the only thing that makes you special is your faith in God. David growing up, he was the last born in his family and the one that was considered the only thing he could do better is sing and look over the flock of his father. Pretty much if you look at my family i am not well built and strong like my brother neither am i all that smart like my sisters, in fact i used to be one of those considered weak in primary school. Nobody believed David could face Goliath and deliver Philistines in the hands of Israelis, but he had faith that nothing could stop the power that was living in him and with just a sling and a stone, he brought Philistines to their knees. I love that, if i can just have even a drop of that faith whenever i face any challenge in life...i am sure nothing can bring me down. David too rose from nothing to a name that we all know will reign forever. I too want to have that sort of faith that you live each and everyday knowing there's someone you can rely on.

4. My Dad
Well nobody fits this part better than my dad since he is one person i have witnessed life from him first hand. From a distance when you look at him, all you'll see is just an ordinary person, an ordinary dad but i am who i am today because of him. I never grew up with my mother and as we all know how most fathers would be, all reckless and stuff, my daddy never for once forgot that he had kids to look after and he would sacrifice all he had just so that he can see my brother and i happy. From him i have known how to be a better parent someday when i have my kids...at least i'll know how to raise them. From his big heart i have learned how to feel what people go through and never to overlook anyone. From his struggle i now can persevere through the fire (that is a facetious statement, don't try to pour hot coal on me)...and the list is long but you can google Four-to-Nine Steps and read more about him from that poem i poem i wrote. 
 
So there they are, like i said my role models are either dead or considered bad influence; at least my dad doesn't fit in both categories. My role models don't influence my career path as in the case i see among most people...no, mine influence how i handle my life. So don't confuse my mentors and role models. My mentors guide me on how to better myself in different areas of my life and my skills but not my whole life, the likes of Joel Osteen, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickinson, Niccolo Machiavelli among others...

My role models though, are people who set the standard for me and i try to live above it.... 

Next i'll discuss about my mentors. Cheers.

© g!o.inked  

So finally i managed to pen down the emotions that were clouding my heart and preventing me from dealing with my past. It is amazing how you can get over someone without moving on and that's the single mistake i guess i have been doing each time my relationships fall off the edge of the cliff. So for the first time i am going to chin up, dust the dust off my coat and say, i am fine and mean it without hiding treasure that i still carry from the past. But first things first...drain off all the emotions in your heart.

So i am going to take step by step as i update this diary of a silly Gemini on my progress...so this is day one...i flush off the emotions that i hide in me, be it anger or love and the best way for me is to write a poem. Amazingly i did manage to write this one below...so i blog it

LEAKING FACE

Here I am penned in pain writing you the last of us

I write this sitting among mourning chamber of gods

Who weep for me and dry their tears with clouds above

So that I can quench my pain from drinking theirs

I am the loser who awaits to fall as winner takes it all

I try to pretend everyday that you and I are over

I clothe truth with garments of lies about my pain

Until yesterday when I heard the winds whisper your name

Your name with someone’s who had replaced mine

I choked from the stench of memories I can’t erase

And lies that you had me enslaved with by you

How you painted a perfect picture of hope I held dearly

About tomorrows that you held so high just to tease me

How foolish was I to fight just to hold onto nothing

Like when I tried to kiss you and you pushed me away

Why couldn’t I see that you were saving your lips for him?

Another victim you’ve lured by your charms that now kill me

To you it was so easy jumping out of a flying plane

Because you knew we would fall so you brought your parachute

You landed on your feet and made merry at my broken pieces

I died and resurrected from the misery you left me in

But despite growing wings I find myself crawling back to you

Because I hunger for your pain that you had me addicted

You gave me so much endless nights on short days

The best adventures of my life I explored them with you

But you took me deep in the jungle where for a reason I never saw

Until you left me because you knew I’d be lost without you

Thanks to you now I can see the world in a single color

Thanks to you now I can’t listen to my favorite songs

Because they play nothing but memories on how we danced to them

You’re the last hero in armored suit that I’ll ever need to save me

For you come protected with an ambition to wreck me

Then brag that you kept your heart safe from me

This love was never a game for winner to be crowned

But truth is we were just racing for a destiny that was never there

You won and finally found that one to replace me

All I did was write Fading April hoping it would quench me

I hope you use my silly jokes I made to make you smile on him

And lie that I’m just someone you don’t want to remember

When we know that I am the past that gave you your present

Don’t worry I am not in tears I just have a leaking face

Melting from the candle lit at the base of my heart

As I become a record that broken hearts play

© g!o.inked

Your hand prints all over my heart

Tears falling in broken parts

Shattered and broken I can't find the start

As I gaze at pieces of me fade away with dust in the wind

Every beginning has an end so this end finally begins

What becomes of a lonely heart on a lonely road

Screaming voices in me yearning to explode

Looking for another straying boat to board

Just to be forgotten again as I blend in the crowd

I am not lonely, I am not lonely, I am just empty

I am not sad, I am not sad, I am swimming in envy

I get out of my shell for anyone to see me plainly

But instead I become transparent and fading

I slowly retire to the silent corner of my room

Tears scratching my cheeks as i fold in my misery cocoon

There is a dark heavy storm invading my mind

Death biting his finger-nails relentlessly staring at time

Angels passed out from the celebration wine

Waiting for my hero who is stuck on the aisle

I am yearning to see stars in a sunny morning

I am wishing on a broken star to heal my broken heart

I am looking for a friend who wont alight at the next bend

I am just trying to find happiness in my depths of misery

Yes I am the silent smile in the familiar crowd

The loneliest among friends

I am the coin you didn't toss in the well

The one you believe can't make your wish come true

I am the sun that got lazy to rise

So it rained and I got cursed

I am surrounded with a thousand suns, with no light

I am surrounded with a thousand happy faces, with no smiles

I am surrounded with dozens of mannequin friends, yet all alive

Really, never mind my presence until the next time you are lonely 

♥ GG