Have you ever just taken a minute and paused everything you are doing and just look in the face of people passing by you one by one? I did, and it is heart wrenching how a lot of people are going through a lot of hidden pain in them. Everybody is just a walking volcano and most of these people's pain is triggered by other people who ignored just shutting up or speaking the right words when needed.

This is my letter to all those who are going through that pain and social depression. I am with you.

People are going to treat you bad, walk on you no matter how nice you try to be to them. They are going to make you cry and you are going to feel like life hates you because you give it the best and in return people give you their worst. Don't give up, just never give up because I promise you that it gets better. All the pain that hurts in your heart will one day fade and once again, the magic waterfall will pour in your heart. No matter what you are going through, shed your tears, forgive them and just humble yourself; remember fire doesn't cool fire but water heals the burns...where you sow good, it is good that you will reap; love only comes where it is invited and God only saves those who are broken. Whenever they pin you down, think of Christ; he was spat on, he was beaten, abused and killed by the same people he came to save, but never even for once did he think of vengeance as much as he had the power of God in his palms. For he knew victory that comes with the wounds is always the sweetest. Don't let people change you...be God's instrument and His rewards will amaze you. Remember people can only mistreat you if they are intimidated by you but always take the high road, don't stoop to their level.
© g!o.inked

The poem below pretty much speaks for itself. This is to all who have lost loved ones through depression and society pressure. Please learn to accept people as they are...we aren't gold to fold to whatever you want, we ain't perfect and just 'cause you are strong not all of us are strong...I wrote this because i am just sick of people always expecting us and to show the world to what extent you drive us...I am a loner and i love it that way, i love my solitude and i don't want to be what the society wants me to be. It is simple, accept me and love me for who i am or just find the next exit, but i am not going to fold to what does not please me. Cheers.

Beautiful Decay

You were just a fragile angel masked in imperfection

Whispered by the heavens to not last in this life

Now I live with the misery of pain of your absence

As I rip myself from the inside in hunt for a reason

On what’s the meaning of this if you won’t get to read it

Forgive me that I could not attend your burial

I could not stand the sight of the dark clouded crowd

I just wish you told me you were about to leave

At least I would be freed from this wretched mortality

To be in the next world we imagined as always together

Everybody is unsighted to the load that weighs me down

They keep on saying that I am holding to what’s gone

What if the past is the only present you have to live?

What if tomorrow holds nothing for it seeks freedom too?

To me the wine in this golden cup no longer tastes sweet

I wish I’d convince you it is not too late to stay alive

For I have become nothing but a sailor without a map

Please please promise me if I die tonight and join you

That in the after life you’ll for eternity stay alive

But if you ever decide to leave again, let me live with you

No bullet have I encountered can hush the scar in my brain

Each night I am enslaved by nightmares of our memories

I wake up drowning and fighting for air in the pool of my tears

When I stay awake reality cuts every edge of life trapped in me

Please come salvage me from this nightmare I am drowning into

I hope tonight I will find strength to sleep into a comatose

Maybe overdose of Vicodin and Prozac to keep me asleep forever

For I am out to search for a near death experience

Just for a night to be near you and near the ones behind

For I seek a chance to know that you are in safe hands

I loved it when people nicknamed us The Misery Misfits

Tell me the next world is real like in the movie Lovely Bones

Do you hold memories of how we wanted to be in a psychic ward?

But now I am alone in a medium ward, it totally sucks

For they put me to sleep whenever I scream I miss you

People will never understand how lovely you were

For you did put out your light before you shone bright

I hope you get to read this and cry just as I am

Not because it is your final poem embossed with pain

But because you wish I was there with you

Today I met the popular kids who used to bully us

Wearing false grievance masked with regrets

They even told me to go hang out with them tonight

I guess finally your death has robbed butterflies their color

Finally the owls find the reason to sleeping at night

To the rest of the world out there literate to read

I wish these words were a half empty of what I feel inside

You seize the life of your loved ones in your flimsy palms

Taking away your life steals away more than just one life

For now I bid fare-thee-well to my sanity and my best friend

I guess you’ve finally given me a Walk To Remember

I smile through tears knowing I encountered an angel

“Don’t call me an angel,” you always said.

“All these angels are only here for a moment.”

Here in my last words I kiss your shadows goodbye

As the rest say Rest In Peace you’ll be missed,

For me Return If Possible I miss you

R.I.P & I love You

© g!o.inked 

Somebody i did not catch his name once said, when your chances are slim and none, go with slim.

So here i am stuck again on this door that i am always afraid to knock or kick or just open. I mean seriously i know i can do it but basically i don't know what is holding me back. Okay maybe it is feear of failure, but how sure am i that i will be disappointed? i know all these great people that i look up to and adore, made their choice and if they were afraid of opening their doors i probably would be having no one to look up to. I know this ain't the living situation that i want, as a matter of fact i hate normal; it sucks. I want to be great, i want to be that person who when i walk out there on the street people will be whispering behind my back that, "ain't that him?"...yeah that's the sort of life that i want.

So this big question is how do i get there? Since i already know i can be there but how do i get there? What are the doors that i need to knock, kick or just open? Okay first let me see the areas of my strength...i can write music, i can rap music actually better than these people i see on telly, i can write poems that move people, i can write a book and stories...what else? i think i am good at inspiring people, actually the area that i get so much accolades from...mmmph i am not that versatile or maybe there are still some potential talents that i haven't discovered. But from these at least i know my major stronghold-point is writing. So i can be a writer. The big question is what am i doing about it? Um, nothing. Pretty much absurd. Okay i know they say that when you have a talent you don't have to see it pay for you to be happy, as long the world enjoys it...but did that person ever consider what will pay your bills if not your talent....i mean basically, i have to do what i love and that should entail the fact that what i am doing should support me too. I mean at one point or another i have to trade every single thought of mine for a dollar. I have put myself to test and so far people love my writing based on the comments i get like...oh i won't mention names though and i am only going to pick those that i found munificent

I just wanted to say again what a lot of talent you have, you somehow make the sweetest softest emotions come to life in your work without making them sappy or cliche; a skill i think a lot of the people here have yet to, or may never master. Its a thin line but you seem to walk it effortlessly. 

Takes a lot of skill. ~Anon

Your poem Leaking Face has been awarded Evoked a lot of emotion in the Deep Pain writing contest.

 

 Your poem Fading April has been awarded First Place in the Your Greatest Struggle writing contest.

 

Five out of five stars, I enjoy your writing style ~ Anon

 

 Jeez was that heavy. I think I need some therapy just for reading it. I entered the poem "After The Home Coming" about what I went through in 09 after my last Deployment in Iraq in the greatest struggle contest. The same contest this poem's in. Naturally I want to win but against this? I don't know. This is one intense poem man. Talk about broken painful emotion. Wow.. ~ Anon on Fading April Poem

When I first saw the length, I was reluctant to read. But then I started, and I'm...being honest here, I swear I'm on the verge of tears. This story has touched me, and it's funny I read it now, because I was feeling pretty down because I had a fight with one of my friends, and now, I'm actually picking up the phone to apologize. I can't even describe how the words said are so close to my heart, how this means so much to me, because I actually wanted encouragement, and this story is so uplifting, so motivational, and so very sad. Life is indeed short, and we must accumulate as much happiness as we can, and laugh and love like no other. I love the rush of emotions, the heavy flow, and well, this piece takes an honorary position in my 'Favorites' for me...~ Anon on Broken Ticking Clock  

 .....and others that i could not trace.

 

oh and a link to my trophy case  http://www.writerscafe.org/Gio/stats/awards/

So now what? Okay i am working on my first novel that still i can't call it a novel since it is far from over and the storyline keeps on unfolding more and more so i can't really count on it that i'll be some bestseller in a months time...nope. So that means i have to find something to do with the rest of my work because i just can't let them rot as i watch. Maybe i can try and find a space in a magazine company or even take my shot in music industry because sooner or later i'll have to make a choice or choice will make me.

So, today is September 12, 2012...i have three months to 2013. Will i still be sitting here the next time i revisit this post? The other night i was watching the great Steve Harvey talk about his life and how he ended up where he is right now. I can't deny that i envied every single drop of tear that was rolling down from his eyes on how he kept on explaining that you have to keep on living like that is the only option you have left. How God will give you the key to open doors but He will not open the doors for you....i bet this is my time. The difference between achievers and losers is three letters, TRY. Okay take in a deep breath, i know i can do this...i can do this.Mignon McLaughlin in her The Neurotic's Notebook stated that, courage can't see around corners, but goes goes around them anyway. I guess i have to just go around my corner. It's either i embrace the person i am right now and live content with it, or forge the path i want to follow and never look back despite whatever without how(s) and why(s). God help me....

The poem below is written from a child's point of view. A child crying for his tomorrow.

I mop the hope of tomorrows from my eyes

Slowly vanishing into the broken arms of tonight

As I try to satisfy the hunger of my thoughts with why(s)

What tomorrow do we promise the unborn?

You are so blinded to raise trees till you forget to raise us kids

My parents teach me to dread my neighbors as a substitute of loving them

Orders of the day have become follow tattoos and overlook taboos

As you leave footsteps at doors instead of leaving them on our hearts

Love has become of nothing but a game of trophies

Losing a phone is a catastrophe while losing virginity is just an incidence

Our friends have more faith in us than our own families

You walk down the aisle for the profits of divorce instead of love

I see you every Sunday morning nursing hangovers instead of fellowship

Then later set your hopes in gold and when it fails you blame God

Please whisper in my sleep to me who are my role models

You tell me to make me wishes instead of make prayers

You spend every night enjoying the humorous Hollywood stars

But never for once have I seen you enjoy the glamor of sky and its stars

All you teach me is make money from the poor and leave ‘em in bare bellies

Racism is no longer a subject of skin pigment but class

You say you are happy and living the life at its best

While all I see are zombies playing humans; a party of dead ghosts

I look to the sky and it rains down on my velvet suit

The drops of rain tinted in red with tears of the unborn terrified to be born

This is the era where Government rights come first and citizens’ come last

In bookshops bibles cost more than story books

Where emotions pollute environment more than automobiles

They pledge us freedom then inject into us micro-chips to control us

You feed me on genetically modified meals then call me fat

Why do you say you are fighting for peace, when fighting itself is a war?

Why are you looking to the sky for aliens instead of help?

We are all nothing but a leaking hour hand

And before midnight we’ll all be hymns of ghosts

Yes I hear you all say You Only Live Once

But at least leave crumbles for me and the unborn child.

© G!ovanni

Your hand prints all over my heart

Tears falling in broken parts

Shattered and broken I can't find the start

As I gaze at pieces of me fade away with dust in the wind

Every beginning has an end so this end finally begins

What becomes of a lonely heart on a lonely road

Screaming voices in me yearning to explode

Looking for another straying boat to board

Just to be forgotten again as I blend in the crowd

I am not lonely, I am not lonely, I am just empty

I am not sad, I am not sad, I am swimming in envy

I get out of my shell for anyone to see me plainly

But instead I become transparent and fading

I slowly retire to the silent corner of my room

Tears scratching my cheeks as i fold in my misery cocoon

There is a dark heavy storm invading my mind

Death biting his finger-nails relentlessly staring at time

Angels passed out from the celebration wine

Waiting for my hero who is stuck on the aisle

I am yearning to see stars in a sunny morning

I am wishing on a broken star to heal my broken heart

I am looking for a friend who wont alight at the next bend

I am just trying to find happiness in my depths of misery

Yes I am the silent smile in the familiar crowd

The loneliest among friends

I am the coin you didn't toss in the well

The one you believe can't make your wish come true

I am the sun that got lazy to rise

So it rained and I got cursed

I am surrounded with a thousand suns, with no light

I am surrounded with a thousand happy faces, with no smiles

I am surrounded with dozens of mannequin friends, yet all alive

Really, never mind my presence until the next time you are lonely 

♥ GG

So i have to admit love really sucks..or it don't suck until things get worse...yeah that moment you become strange to the one person who could see right through you. I mean seriously why do people change when they shouldn't change the most? 

I fell in love, enjoyed it while it lasted and i was convinced that it was going to last for always...sure enough all it did was lust for always which never came. One day she woke up and i become a stranger to her. She just flipped and didn't want to see me or talk to me. I have torched every corner of my heart and burnt it down looking for "why(s)" but i never got one. I tried to cry but no tear fell down my cheek...it is not that i didn't love her but sometimes you get hurt till you just don't know what to do but pen down the tearless grief of your broken heart.

Well if you read this one day, i hope you understand i never hated you but i hated myself for convincing myself that this was in way different, break my walls down and leave myself vulnerable to you to shoot right through me and desert me torn. The is "the" how much i needed you...

Fading April

You have poisoned my thoughts with your memories

You have become nothing but the death of me

Bit by bit you consume the soul of me

Lift me up then drop me from your silver lining

Break and restore before you break me again

Is your philosophy, as you drink from my pain

Cut me wide open before you walk right through me

My pain your pleasure, my loss your gain

I wake up each morning mourning at your smile

I beg of you please take a break on me

I beg of you to please break my heart

I beg of you to please release me from your wrath

Please just make smile with your absence

Your absence that has scarred me with scars to forever last

Go ‘head and put a cup next to my chin as I cry

Go brag to the world about the latest addition in your collection of hearts

Write it in the sky-line that you are happy

Tell it to the world how you really loved me

Tell them you never meant it and I was the one weak

And I’ll just be making you notes that say “I MISS YOU”

I’ll ink every single letter with blood from my scars

I’ll sink every single pillow with my teary nights

I’ll think everyday why you avoid me yet it hurts me

And I’ll thank you everyday for the love that you gave me

I know it’s not in the options but I still pray you stay

But when you stay you put knife right through my heart

And when you go you rip it out leaving me in broken parts

So as you fade with this month of April I’ll whisper your name

In this poem sealed with lies through so many tears