So finally i managed to pen down the emotions that were clouding my heart and preventing me from dealing with my past. It is amazing how you can get over someone without moving on and that's the single mistake i guess i have been doing each time my relationships fall off the edge of the cliff. So for the first time i am going to chin up, dust the dust off my coat and say, i am fine and mean it without hiding treasure that i still carry from the past. But first things first...drain off all the emotions in your heart.

So i am going to take step by step as i update this diary of a silly Gemini on my progress...so this is day one...i flush off the emotions that i hide in me, be it anger or love and the best way for me is to write a poem. Amazingly i did manage to write this one below...so i blog it

LEAKING FACE

Here I am penned in pain writing you the last of us

I write this sitting among mourning chamber of gods

Who weep for me and dry their tears with clouds above

So that I can quench my pain from drinking theirs

I am the loser who awaits to fall as winner takes it all

I try to pretend everyday that you and I are over

I clothe truth with garments of lies about my pain

Until yesterday when I heard the winds whisper your name

Your name with someone’s who had replaced mine

I choked from the stench of memories I can’t erase

And lies that you had me enslaved with by you

How you painted a perfect picture of hope I held dearly

About tomorrows that you held so high just to tease me

How foolish was I to fight just to hold onto nothing

Like when I tried to kiss you and you pushed me away

Why couldn’t I see that you were saving your lips for him?

Another victim you’ve lured by your charms that now kill me

To you it was so easy jumping out of a flying plane

Because you knew we would fall so you brought your parachute

You landed on your feet and made merry at my broken pieces

I died and resurrected from the misery you left me in

But despite growing wings I find myself crawling back to you

Because I hunger for your pain that you had me addicted

You gave me so much endless nights on short days

The best adventures of my life I explored them with you

But you took me deep in the jungle where for a reason I never saw

Until you left me because you knew I’d be lost without you

Thanks to you now I can see the world in a single color

Thanks to you now I can’t listen to my favorite songs

Because they play nothing but memories on how we danced to them

You’re the last hero in armored suit that I’ll ever need to save me

For you come protected with an ambition to wreck me

Then brag that you kept your heart safe from me

This love was never a game for winner to be crowned

But truth is we were just racing for a destiny that was never there

You won and finally found that one to replace me

All I did was write Fading April hoping it would quench me

I hope you use my silly jokes I made to make you smile on him

And lie that I’m just someone you don’t want to remember

When we know that I am the past that gave you your present

Don’t worry I am not in tears I just have a leaking face

Melting from the candle lit at the base of my heart

As I become a record that broken hearts play

© g!o.inked

So i have to admit love really sucks..or it don't suck until things get worse...yeah that moment you become strange to the one person who could see right through you. I mean seriously why do people change when they shouldn't change the most? 

I fell in love, enjoyed it while it lasted and i was convinced that it was going to last for always...sure enough all it did was lust for always which never came. One day she woke up and i become a stranger to her. She just flipped and didn't want to see me or talk to me. I have torched every corner of my heart and burnt it down looking for "why(s)" but i never got one. I tried to cry but no tear fell down my cheek...it is not that i didn't love her but sometimes you get hurt till you just don't know what to do but pen down the tearless grief of your broken heart.

Well if you read this one day, i hope you understand i never hated you but i hated myself for convincing myself that this was in way different, break my walls down and leave myself vulnerable to you to shoot right through me and desert me torn. The is "the" how much i needed you...

Fading April

You have poisoned my thoughts with your memories

You have become nothing but the death of me

Bit by bit you consume the soul of me

Lift me up then drop me from your silver lining

Break and restore before you break me again

Is your philosophy, as you drink from my pain

Cut me wide open before you walk right through me

My pain your pleasure, my loss your gain

I wake up each morning mourning at your smile

I beg of you please take a break on me

I beg of you to please break my heart

I beg of you to please release me from your wrath

Please just make smile with your absence

Your absence that has scarred me with scars to forever last

Go ‘head and put a cup next to my chin as I cry

Go brag to the world about the latest addition in your collection of hearts

Write it in the sky-line that you are happy

Tell it to the world how you really loved me

Tell them you never meant it and I was the one weak

And I’ll just be making you notes that say “I MISS YOU”

I’ll ink every single letter with blood from my scars

I’ll sink every single pillow with my teary nights

I’ll think everyday why you avoid me yet it hurts me

And I’ll thank you everyday for the love that you gave me

I know it’s not in the options but I still pray you stay

But when you stay you put knife right through my heart

And when you go you rip it out leaving me in broken parts

So as you fade with this month of April I’ll whisper your name

In this poem sealed with lies through so many tears