We've all been there haven't we? That point in life where you feel like all the world is coming down crushing on you, like you've tried so much but no good is coming out of it...we've all been there haven't we? Some of us are still there while some of us are headed there right as you read this...it is scary...yes it is dark and hopeless, it is heart-breaking and painful but here is the thing; just when you think that it is never going to get any better you are always one step away from that door that you've been working for to see it open. I understand how harsh and heart wrenching your troubles might be...right now someone is falling apart because of a love gone sour, someone is tired of looking for job, someone is sick of the family that awaits him/her at home, someone is tired of being broke or even struggling with a job...truth is we've all been here and we are all here but just don't give up on yourself...i know the world might be staring at you behind a clown mask but i want you to know you are stronger than you can imagine and if you just don't give up on that which you are fighting for then you are simply one step away from achieving that which you've been looking for...you are just one day away...i cannot assure you that when you wake up tomorrow you'll find everything in place but i promise that if you wake up tomorrow you will one step ahead of where you are today. Don't view your troubles as your punishments for they are not...troubles come to teach us endurance and remind us that we have something to live for. Always remember that when the going gets tough, the tough get going...when life gets tough be tough too...don't be blinded by troubles that might be awaiting you tomorrow...give each day its due and don't worry about that which you have not seen. So listen, for i want you to remember this, your greatest test comes when you are close to the end of your troubles and the harsher your troubles the stronger you are, for we all know that God cannot let you handle that which you are not capable of...so just promise me that you won't wait for the train that's coming from the end of the tunnel but instead you'll go for the light yourself...waiting for that light is giving up, going for it is being strong. Everything that has a beginning has an end and so are the harsh times too...don't close your eyes, just stay focused on where you want to be.
©g!o.inked

Most of us fail to be what we want to be because we don't have that one person who believes in us. We are surrounded by family and friends who thinks we aren't good enough or keeps on reminded how we tried and failed or maybe even reminds us of what we used to be instead of reminding us where are going. These kinds of people are nothing but poison to your thoughts and the more you give them your ear, the further you draw yourself away from where you want to be. Don't be the block in other people's path to bring something to the world. Be the reason others rise to greatness. Remember when you help someone to get up, you are basically not helping them but cushioning yourself in case you fall tomorrow. Everybody needs somebody to believe in them if they are to achieve their dreams. So when you hear a friend says he/she wants to do something...as long as it is good, instead of reminding them how the industry is competitive or maybe how he/she does not have the required skills or maybe how the economy is not on their side...believe in them even if you see no reason to believe in them. Even a fire requires a spark first for it to ignite. It is not the skills that we have at the beginning of the journey that determines the end of the journey, but the passion we have before we make the first step. And if we can keep that passion alive, then the skills will come as we need them and when we need them. Everybody needs somebody to believe in them. It maybe a child from a poor background who wants to be an astronaut, a junkie who desires to be drug clean, a harlot who wants to have a happy family, a friend who wants to start a business, a brother/sister who wants to be big in life, a patient in grave conditions who wants to be well, a broken heart who yearns to find true love...everybody needs somebody to believe in them. Great is the faith that we have for ourselves but greatest is the faith we have for others. So stop reminding others of can't(s) and past falls and keep them focused to where they want to be.

 When I started my writing or let's say when I fell in love with literature, I had no expertise totally in this field and to me it was like going to a battlefield with a passion to win but with no armor or spear. I was venturing into a field where people have been studying for years unlike me. Before I took my first step into this I recall I had read only one novel in my life and I did that when I was like seven years old. In high school, literature was never my favorite subject and as a matter of fact I never liked poetry totally. My first poem that I wrote called Sing My Little Nightingale, I wrote it from just studying a poem's structure but not reading. So I am basically a perfect example of you don't need skills to begin a journey, all you need is passion and people to believe in you. It feels amazing when you believe in yourself but it is ten-times more amazing when you find someone who believes in you. Nowadays people read my poetry and stories and other writings and they tell me how great I am...it feels nice yeah but each time I remember those who believed in me when I started the journey. To the furthest I have come, I owe it to my dad who always had a way of having me around books. My best friend Soph aka Gabby Dans who always believes in every step I make plus always seeing the best in me and her sister Mercy who fell in love with my writing before even reading anything yet lol. Hannah who after reading my diary one day suggested that I should write a book and pressured me in my poetry during my first days. My half-brother Fred Harrison for one silly comment he said that my writing will take me places. My homeboy Teddy, the only person who has always encouraged me and saw me as a genius always even when I was not. Tania Jayme, my really good friend who gave me the first resources and a strong kick in the butt to be serious with my writing, she always saw my writing posted in horizon even I had no hopes. A lot of people can now enjoy and live from my words because of these amazing people among others who believed in me when I doubted myself.

We all need somebody to believe in us and on our behalf and not to forget we too need to be that person who believes in others too no matter the situation..
©g!o.inked

So I have been busy on my novel and on the first day of NaNoWriMo I managed to write 1,772 words therefore beating the daily mark by 105 words. Sadly enough on the second day I only wrote 1,271 words and that's way below the mark, hopefully I'll recover that within today and tomorrow.

Anyway today I am not here to write about the NaNoWriMo, I want to talk a bit about my book; The Diary Chronicles of Neill. This is my first novel that maybe some have heard about and even the lucky ones have managed to have a glimpse of it and read a little bit of it. I am currently writing it and like I said in the previous post, I am hopeful that by early next year, I shall have finished it.

The Diary: Chronicles of Neill is a book developed from the path that I have lived, the life that I have seen from my very own eyes but basically it is a young adult mainstream fiction; meaning, everything in it is somehow influenced by factual events but presented fictionally to capture the conscience of the reader to understand it well and feel like he/she can relate to it. It narrates the life of the protagonist, Neill Kynberg, his transformation from a troublesome background to living the fame in high school, death of the parents and the post-trauma life. It is somehow like a fictional memoir of Neill Kynberg.

The setting of the book is a fictional town in South Carolina, presented in real life with Charleston. I know the question is why Charleston, South Carolina? Well when I was researching about the best place I can choose as setting, I was looking for factors like; it must be a town close to an ocean, a town with history, a humble town that is somehow country but at the same time has a city quality and a town that embraces religion and no town could fit that quality better than Charleston, SC...the Holy City or also known as Chucktown.

The writing style of the book is influenced by a number of authors notably the likes of Oscar Wilde, Stephanie Meyer, Sophie Kinsella, Patrick Suskind and Nicholas Sparks. I don't know about the other authors, but my writing style here is also influenced by songs from artists like Missy Higgins and Kate Voegele. So it is a mixture of a lot of styles thus it is something that anybody can read and get attached to.

A lot of themes are discussed in this book, but the most outstanding is the inevitable tragedy. The book itself is tragic from the loss of his brother to the loss of both parents in his final year in high school to losing himself as he tries to find himself after the loss of the family, then later in life when everything should be fine...he loses the love of his life. Another theme is the immortality of faith. Despite everything that happens to the protagonist, when everybody would expect him to give up, he still finds his reason for living and expecting that one day everything will be alright. Other stuff highlighted include, society oppression, love and drugs.Basically everything you encounter in life and everything you encounter in your imagination as an escape, is encountered in this book.

So this is my first book, The Diary: Chronicles of Neill that will later be followed by The Diary: Scarlet's Chronicles. I'll be posting more bits of the book here with time as we unfold the chronicles of Neill Kynberg.I am going to end this post with one of my favorite quotes from the book.

"You see Neill, sometimes you have to withdraw yourself from the battlefield; not because you are weak or giving up but to have a better view at what you are fighting. Then, just then, your heart will tell you what to do. That's how I ended up with man of my dreams." Motherly advice from Leila Kynberg to Neill, when torn up between two girls.

©g!o.inked

So today i want to to talk about my role models, those that i always look up to as an example and my trend-setters. Well i have been thinking about them and what makes them special to add them to my list or what make me think i want to be like them. It's rather absurd that most of them of them were either drug addicts, are dead or people term them as nuts but i love them.

So first, what do i look for in a role model? See, basically role models are people that we want to be like but as for me, they are people who were somehow like me but i want to be either bigger or better than them so that's why somehow you'll find them as people that society really never appreciated them that much...but i love them because, it is from them that i have learned how to deal with certain stuff and people and life in general, 'cause i say "if he could manage to rise above that problem why can't i?"

So without further a due, let me get  to them...

1. Marilyn Monroe

Yes, Norma Jeane Mortenson, widely known as Marilyn Monroe. Okay right now i know she is a figure that a lot of girls and dudes look up to and worship, plus statics show that she is the celebrity figure that has gained the most fame after her death than when she was alive. Her merchandise have surpassed E. Presley's and M. Jackson's and even The Beatles. 50 years after her death and her fan base keeps grown more and more each and everyday. I must say i am proud of her, i'd want my legacy to live on like that, i'd rather be famous after my death than when i'm alive, because after you die you become a god among men. So what makes Norma Jeane a tick? Well looking at her personal life growing up, she went through some evil stuff like being stuffed into a bag by her own mother, moving from one foster home to another, sexual assaults and torture among others and despite all these she held her dream in her heart that one day she'd grow into a big star. Even after her breakthrough, trouble did not seem to have abandoned her. Most of her relationships were a wreck and when you follow her story well you'll notice she was the girl screaming in the Cinderella dress. Despite the fame and everything, she just wanted to be normal but she could never match the patch....the misunderstood type. Basically that's the type of person that i am too. Despite always being the adored, i still feel like i never belong plus my life is always full of drama and that which everybody want to poke there nose in and not to forget my past, i grew up around some really harsh environment. I love her in the fact despite all the drama she managed to rise and sit with presidents and made herself a brand that people will forever remember. I don't wish to sit among kings and queens but i do hope that my work will some day be the voice to the ones always shut out. Like Norma once said, "Behind the make up and behind the smile, i am just a girl who wishes for the world"...so to shut the speculations, i hope you understand that i love her not just because she is a Gemini, but for many reasons.
R.I.P Monroe, i wish you could see how much we love you now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_Monroe

2. Eminem

Yeah, this is the part that everybody always goes "What the heck?" and i answer, "you heard me right." Marshal Bruce Mathers III is my second role model. We pretty much all know the background of Marshal. Growing in the black neighborhood, growing up without a dad and his relationship with his mom plus being one of the first white rappers emerging into rap industry. I am not going to go into so much details of his life but we all know him and either love or hate Marshal from his rebel attitude and from him i have come to learn that the society always wants to create you into whoever it wants, thus making a lot of people afraid to stand up and stand out. Everybody is made to believe that speaking your mind is being imperfect and thus if you speak what you think, you are not good. Well most call Marshall a bad influence but i have never heard it anywhere stated that Hailie his daughter, is smoking pot or not going to school, that makes him somebody that can foster a good child then...i speak my mind a lot and i am basically not harmed by it, for i know that when i bottle all that stuff up in me, i'll either end up retarded or dead by 25. From Marshall i have learned that, do whatever you love, go for your dreams at the end of the day not everybody will approve your path. From him i learned that, the pains that people cause me, i can them use as the stones to build myself with, after all being different does not make you a victim but special. "I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There's no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it."

3 David
I am talking about David from the Old Testament for those who know what bible is :') ...I understand to some people he is just a make up story just like superman and stuff, but when the only book you get to read as a child looking for a better tomorrow is bible, then you'll believe that he is real. To me not only is he real, but also my hero. From what aspects though? Well i am a Christian and all those who are like me know that the only thing that makes you special is your faith in God. David growing up, he was the last born in his family and the one that was considered the only thing he could do better is sing and look over the flock of his father. Pretty much if you look at my family i am not well built and strong like my brother neither am i all that smart like my sisters, in fact i used to be one of those considered weak in primary school. Nobody believed David could face Goliath and deliver Philistines in the hands of Israelis, but he had faith that nothing could stop the power that was living in him and with just a sling and a stone, he brought Philistines to their knees. I love that, if i can just have even a drop of that faith whenever i face any challenge in life...i am sure nothing can bring me down. David too rose from nothing to a name that we all know will reign forever. I too want to have that sort of faith that you live each and everyday knowing there's someone you can rely on.

4. My Dad
Well nobody fits this part better than my dad since he is one person i have witnessed life from him first hand. From a distance when you look at him, all you'll see is just an ordinary person, an ordinary dad but i am who i am today because of him. I never grew up with my mother and as we all know how most fathers would be, all reckless and stuff, my daddy never for once forgot that he had kids to look after and he would sacrifice all he had just so that he can see my brother and i happy. From him i have known how to be a better parent someday when i have my kids...at least i'll know how to raise them. From his big heart i have learned how to feel what people go through and never to overlook anyone. From his struggle i now can persevere through the fire (that is a facetious statement, don't try to pour hot coal on me)...and the list is long but you can google Four-to-Nine Steps and read more about him from that poem i poem i wrote. 
 
So there they are, like i said my role models are either dead or considered bad influence; at least my dad doesn't fit in both categories. My role models don't influence my career path as in the case i see among most people...no, mine influence how i handle my life. So don't confuse my mentors and role models. My mentors guide me on how to better myself in different areas of my life and my skills but not my whole life, the likes of Joel Osteen, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickinson, Niccolo Machiavelli among others...

My role models though, are people who set the standard for me and i try to live above it.... 

Next i'll discuss about my mentors. Cheers.

© g!o.inked  

So today marks my dad's birthday and i wanted to take time and thank God and for the prize of dad He gave me and since today is my dad's birthday and i could not afford to buy him a plasma TV or a car i wrote him a poem to show my appreciation and love...not to brag but i think i have the best and i would not mind to brag about that neither, for he managed to play a role that most fathers have failed. It is because of him that i have become a man and a son i am today.





Four-to-Nine Steps
From the primary thought that you needed me
For nine months you ensured my safety in mom
Patiently waited to see your likeness in your arms
And you rejoiced when you heard my first cry at last

You watched me peel like a bud to a flower
Like a farmer you cultivated me with patience and hope
Though weak, you held me strong when drought threatened
Gave me all of the least that you called yours

Every weekend you’d always take me on long walks
Sometimes I wished I could tell you I was tired
But I was just a kid and never understood why
You knew I’d grow away and you wanted to be with your son

I still remember I used to weep while you went away
I was scared of who would protect me
And when you stayed I’d want to be next to you
For it is by you that I felt safe and loved

You taught me how to forge my strength in life
And not to forget my humanity lest I die alone
I never had a mom like all of my friends
But you played the role better than I could ask for

The world finally robbed me off your arms
But you did not fight nor fear of what I may come
You trusted me to handle whatever thrown at me
And for your faith in me I thank you dad

Now I have grown into a man you smile with
When I look in the mirror it is you I see
And in my heart’s place I can feel it’s yours beating
Wherever I end up dad I still treasure you the most

From a distance it may look like now it’s your sun set
But instead brace yourself to watch your son rise
As you turn forty-nine today HAPPY BIRTHDAY
For I smile ‘cause you’re my father, my dad and my home.
 © g!o.inked

So I decided to try my hands on classic poetry, I know my Shakespeare English is a bit rusty but at times it is fun to try your hands on new horizons. The poem below was a random thought of love and if i met love today, just to have a cup of coffee with her, what would i tell her and thus the born of this thoughts.  

 

Oh love, Oh love how wretched is thy plans

Permit me to say "I do" to thy sister hate

For the benefits of pain that are to me well-known

Thou clothe thy nightmares with scintillating promises

That thou shall bestow me happiness eternally

But thy eternal lasted only to the edge of my cradle

People are looking for thee yet thou art the loneliest

I won’t wear thy ring which is just a manacle on my finger

Hope and Faith thy sisters have consistently deserted thee

That’s why thou leave matrimonies with divorce papers

Oh love, Oh love my beloved old acquaintance

Why doth a married damsel look for thee in cellars secretly?

Why doth a husband look for thee in alcohol bottles?

A perfect matrimony thee said guaranteed torn apart

Oh love, Oh love fools keep thee in wallets for safety

Then thou send beauties of the night to rob them with thy pleasures

Our last encounter thou robbed me my only beating heart

Now thou try to squeeze thyself in my only breathing lungs

They cannot beat my dearest love thou art chocking me

Oh love, Oh love allow the Nightingale to soar away

For the lonely bird only find peace in pleasures of pain

That never promises happiness with promises to be broken

Oh love, Oh love how wretched is thy plans

  © Giovanni

The strongest action that you can take in any situation is to go to your knees and ask God for help. The highest purpose of faith or prayer is not to change your circumstances but to change you for the circumstance at hand. We are in every situation for a reason; either to learn or grow strong. So next time you are in a "foul" situation don't ask God to change your situation but ask from Him wisdom and strength to get through it. Somebody, somewhere, someday, somehow in someway said, "If you want to help someone hungry don't give them fish but teach them how to fish and for that you'll save them a million troubles."

When we pray, we whisper words with hope and faith that our prayers will be answered...don't just pray but practice your prayers. When it is raining don't go hide under a shed waiting for the rain to cease falling but instead walk through the rain and dance in the rain and you'll learn to find your joy in every drop. Like i said yesterday there is no event that you cant find joy.

Prayer may not change things for you but surely it changes you for all things ~ ♥GG

We always run to see who will dare to follow us, build walls to see who dares to break them down and as a way of protecting ourselves but we keep doing this till we forget how strong we are. Sometimes the best u can do is stop running, stop building walls and face your fears...just then we will learn to know our greatest strength...it's all in the leap of faith...~♥ GG