Here is a little prose poem I wrote today...called Cosmic Love

Heavens tremble at the hearing of our arrival;
for we are the sinning of saints; 
lets dawn farewell as we usher in the cosmic love; 
that from its fragments has left us blind lovers longing for twilight

 ©g!o.inked

I know it's been a while since I updated this blog of mine but I'm back on it to resurrect it.
Okay so here is a poem I penned, and like my other poems, it is a creativity of random thoughts. In this is a boy in love with a girl who is dead and so he is trying to have us live through his narration of what he feels for her; I hope you enjoy it. Cheers!!!

Name: Cemetery Love

So our kind of love is not a normal fairy tale
For my princess comes out at the death of the sun
Not that she is afraid of the star that torches the day
But the only time she gets life is when owls sing
When bats finally find their courage to wear glasses
And her curfew is broken by the weeping of sinners

Normality questions my sanity on why it is her I love
Why pursue a moth when there are butterflies
Why carouse on tears if there is glut of wine
Because all my cherubs are clothed in plastic wings
All my wishing stars soar in sky in broken pieces
Because there is beauty that only the sightless sees

Her lips on mine tastes like relics of a burning wood
Dressed in oblivion she comes out looking beautiful
Her hands breeze in mine mild like wind with no path
I wish I could know her eye color but all I see is hollow
Where her heart once was beats in my chest instead
For it is in my living she finds life and my heart is hers

So here I am sitting with dry roses as I await my love
No chairs to sit on but the tombstones of her kind
As the sun introverts to let the moon watch the night
I hear whispers of merry as they dirt-off their togas
For tonight there will be a merrymaking of ghosts
On this night I’ll lose myself to unearth my love

On my note it is written one heart beats for two
For I find death in living and she finds life in dying


©g!o.inked 

I definitely had to share this. It is a poem about poetry from one of the writers I always admire most in Writers Cafe. When I came across this, I felt overwhelmed by its beauty embossed behind simplicity. It is one of those poems that you really don't have to struggle to understand but at the same time, they seem so complicated to be classified as just a simple poem. It truly defines to its tiny bit how poets view poems and I could not help but share this with the world. Nice work Whiskurz and thank you for letting me expose such beauty to the world. For the rest enjoy and feel free to view more of Whiskurz poems at http://www.writerscafe.org/Larry%20B

Name: Never Ending Need
Poet: Whiskurz

A poem should touch the inner core
Where feelings are only found
A place that you alone can see
Where love and hate abound

A poem is a tear before you cry
Or a smile before you feel
A little pain your being craves
Before your heart can heal

A poem is a memory cast aside
Before your mind is free
It's often dreams that's left behind
A misplaced destiny

A poem is what you feel inside
That makes you who you are
A poem is written with tears and blood
To mend that endless scar

A poem is felt before the words
And can cause your soul to bleed
A poem is never a state of mind
But a never ending need

So today I penned down a poem about what I have been feeling off late or what I have not been feeling off late. I say so because where I should be tasting sweet, to me it is tasting bitter. The hardest thing in life is trying to be in love where you feel you don't belong, and as much as you need to be in it and try to fit yourself in it, you still just don't feel it, you know. I met this amazing person and I really tried to work things out with her but it could not...not because of her but because of me. So leaving her meant breaking her heart. I guess the end sometimes justifies the means...she deserves better and so I had to leave my footsteps across her heart, I speak of it as if it is an easy move but it is not. So I penned this poem to dedicate it to her and to let my heart out to the rest of the seven billion people out there..cheers!!

This is my goodnight kiss and your goodbye lullaby
My hymn hoping to heal where I’m about to break
I so wish that these words taste better than I am sorry
For it’s unjust that my presence draws from you life

I really wish that this heart of me would be yours
That you’d be the splendor I awaken next to every dawn
To watch your eyes tango away step to step with shyness
As I whisper sweetness of romance novice to my imagination

But tell me how do I steer with my eyes stuck on rear view?
For my heart that you long for is enslaved in another’s arm
She who which from a distance is too blind to closely see me
Yet to you who is here next to me my heart shuts its eyes

The pain I put you through can’t allow me to stay to sober
I see your words and feel your actions of love that burns for me
Your hopes for us taste so sweet on my flavorless tongue
But I’m nothing but a dark ink writing your tale

I try with my all to feel the same way you feel for me
Instead of falling in love I’m drowning, suffocating in its pool
Dying from the fact that I can’t be the man I want for you
Love should burn in flames but in me it is just ashes

I wish it is you I can truly offer this fragile heart of mine
But you came a minute too late to bring it back from dead
For it hurts me that I meet the girl with all that I adore
But it is her that suffers from this bitter sweet of void in me

You say it is better to have anything than to be alone
But I am a lone wolf, a vessel, a human empty of emotions
And planting seeds on a rock won’t bring forth any fruit
No matter how you water it, the rock will only shatter

On my knees I beg for your mercies to charter me forgiveness
But if it’s beyond your means then do wish me well
For I was enthroned with a curse that every poet suffers
Poets do not fall in love; our hearts are in the pens we hold

I’m sorry that you aren’t the one amid my dreams and nightmares
For you are a beautiful human and I’m just a whisper of a song
©g!o.inked

Okay I'll start with answering a question I'm always asked; "why doth my writing always emboss sadness?" Well here is the plain truth, Jim Morrison once said, "Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they are wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it." Truth is I don't take pleasure in pain, it's just that I adore diversity and since modern age poetry and writing is about love and heartbreaks, what makes me me if I dwell in that same circle? So I took the path of a wake up call, that path that people are assuming doesn't exist when daily we do know it is there. For example some of my previous poems talk about society pressure upon those who can blend in, we assume we are not killing them that they are the ones killing themselves and nobody wants to talk about them, so I wrote it. In this next poem called Cinderella and Prince Something talks about two leukemia victims who are teenagers and their last minute love.At first I really didn't want to share this piece with the world but then for the support of fight against all sorts of cancer, I have to...I hope you enjoy it or...you enjoy it....

Cinderella and Prince Something
The minute finger was echoing in her dark hope
Reminding her she was one of them at the bus stop
The ride of her lifetime assured of no return
Shivering in the arms of pain under her blanket
At fourteen, terminated and to be erased

She closed her eyes, counted her departing dreams
Every girl was usually rescued by her knight
Her mom found her dad and her sister, a boyfriend
She guessed her knight must’ve gotten lazy to armor up
At fourteen, she had never kissed a boy

She heard a mild, nervous yet a beautiful voice
She didn’t open her eyes for she knew it was a trance
With dashing hopes she hoped it was her chance
To be rescued and for once feel an embrace of a boy
At fourteenth count she opened her eyes to a beauty

He was sixteen with blue eyes that outstood his bland skin
With a frozen smile he told her she was beautiful
Strangest word from a stranger yet familiar from the family
I see Horoscope lied when it said cancers can’t love each other
At fourteen, she finally felt she belonged to this world

She became a Cinderella and he was prince something
He took her to two dates and a masquerade party
While others were clothed as monsters and princesses
They went as two leukemia patients with no deceit
At sixteen minutes to midnight she finally had her first kiss

After her first kiss she never heard again from him
She got angry when she thought she wasn’t cute in bald
Or maybe her lips had a savor of blood she had puked
Or maybe it was midnight and she outgrew her shoes
At fourteen, she had sixteen minutes of love

An ocean once serene turned to a sad song
The only tune she knew ended before her first dance
Others hated life while to them life was a riddle
It was something in his smile that gave her strength
It was his smile that made her live fourteen minutes longer

Her silence bled regrets of joy she robbed her family
She was worried of watching them troubled by her
So she asked for one last sunset to kiss her goodbye
So she asked for one last sunset to kiss her welcome
Fourteen and sixteen dead but with beating hearts

Four minutes away still your tongues reading this
Three minutes away she smiled hopelessly
Two minutes away she hugged her family
A minute away she hugged her prince’s absence
No minute away she found him waiting for her

He said to me, “You leave while we wait.”
She said to me, “You live while we fade.”
©g!o.inked

Most of us fail to be what we want to be because we don't have that one person who believes in us. We are surrounded by family and friends who thinks we aren't good enough or keeps on reminded how we tried and failed or maybe even reminds us of what we used to be instead of reminding us where are going. These kinds of people are nothing but poison to your thoughts and the more you give them your ear, the further you draw yourself away from where you want to be. Don't be the block in other people's path to bring something to the world. Be the reason others rise to greatness. Remember when you help someone to get up, you are basically not helping them but cushioning yourself in case you fall tomorrow. Everybody needs somebody to believe in them if they are to achieve their dreams. So when you hear a friend says he/she wants to do something...as long as it is good, instead of reminding them how the industry is competitive or maybe how he/she does not have the required skills or maybe how the economy is not on their side...believe in them even if you see no reason to believe in them. Even a fire requires a spark first for it to ignite. It is not the skills that we have at the beginning of the journey that determines the end of the journey, but the passion we have before we make the first step. And if we can keep that passion alive, then the skills will come as we need them and when we need them. Everybody needs somebody to believe in them. It maybe a child from a poor background who wants to be an astronaut, a junkie who desires to be drug clean, a harlot who wants to have a happy family, a friend who wants to start a business, a brother/sister who wants to be big in life, a patient in grave conditions who wants to be well, a broken heart who yearns to find true love...everybody needs somebody to believe in them. Great is the faith that we have for ourselves but greatest is the faith we have for others. So stop reminding others of can't(s) and past falls and keep them focused to where they want to be.

 When I started my writing or let's say when I fell in love with literature, I had no expertise totally in this field and to me it was like going to a battlefield with a passion to win but with no armor or spear. I was venturing into a field where people have been studying for years unlike me. Before I took my first step into this I recall I had read only one novel in my life and I did that when I was like seven years old. In high school, literature was never my favorite subject and as a matter of fact I never liked poetry totally. My first poem that I wrote called Sing My Little Nightingale, I wrote it from just studying a poem's structure but not reading. So I am basically a perfect example of you don't need skills to begin a journey, all you need is passion and people to believe in you. It feels amazing when you believe in yourself but it is ten-times more amazing when you find someone who believes in you. Nowadays people read my poetry and stories and other writings and they tell me how great I am...it feels nice yeah but each time I remember those who believed in me when I started the journey. To the furthest I have come, I owe it to my dad who always had a way of having me around books. My best friend Soph aka Gabby Dans who always believes in every step I make plus always seeing the best in me and her sister Mercy who fell in love with my writing before even reading anything yet lol. Hannah who after reading my diary one day suggested that I should write a book and pressured me in my poetry during my first days. My half-brother Fred Harrison for one silly comment he said that my writing will take me places. My homeboy Teddy, the only person who has always encouraged me and saw me as a genius always even when I was not. Tania Jayme, my really good friend who gave me the first resources and a strong kick in the butt to be serious with my writing, she always saw my writing posted in horizon even I had no hopes. A lot of people can now enjoy and live from my words because of these amazing people among others who believed in me when I doubted myself.

We all need somebody to believe in us and on our behalf and not to forget we too need to be that person who believes in others too no matter the situation..
©g!o.inked

The poem below pretty much speaks for itself. This is to all who have lost loved ones through depression and society pressure. Please learn to accept people as they are...we aren't gold to fold to whatever you want, we ain't perfect and just 'cause you are strong not all of us are strong...I wrote this because i am just sick of people always expecting us and to show the world to what extent you drive us...I am a loner and i love it that way, i love my solitude and i don't want to be what the society wants me to be. It is simple, accept me and love me for who i am or just find the next exit, but i am not going to fold to what does not please me. Cheers.

Beautiful Decay

You were just a fragile angel masked in imperfection

Whispered by the heavens to not last in this life

Now I live with the misery of pain of your absence

As I rip myself from the inside in hunt for a reason

On what’s the meaning of this if you won’t get to read it

Forgive me that I could not attend your burial

I could not stand the sight of the dark clouded crowd

I just wish you told me you were about to leave

At least I would be freed from this wretched mortality

To be in the next world we imagined as always together

Everybody is unsighted to the load that weighs me down

They keep on saying that I am holding to what’s gone

What if the past is the only present you have to live?

What if tomorrow holds nothing for it seeks freedom too?

To me the wine in this golden cup no longer tastes sweet

I wish I’d convince you it is not too late to stay alive

For I have become nothing but a sailor without a map

Please please promise me if I die tonight and join you

That in the after life you’ll for eternity stay alive

But if you ever decide to leave again, let me live with you

No bullet have I encountered can hush the scar in my brain

Each night I am enslaved by nightmares of our memories

I wake up drowning and fighting for air in the pool of my tears

When I stay awake reality cuts every edge of life trapped in me

Please come salvage me from this nightmare I am drowning into

I hope tonight I will find strength to sleep into a comatose

Maybe overdose of Vicodin and Prozac to keep me asleep forever

For I am out to search for a near death experience

Just for a night to be near you and near the ones behind

For I seek a chance to know that you are in safe hands

I loved it when people nicknamed us The Misery Misfits

Tell me the next world is real like in the movie Lovely Bones

Do you hold memories of how we wanted to be in a psychic ward?

But now I am alone in a medium ward, it totally sucks

For they put me to sleep whenever I scream I miss you

People will never understand how lovely you were

For you did put out your light before you shone bright

I hope you get to read this and cry just as I am

Not because it is your final poem embossed with pain

But because you wish I was there with you

Today I met the popular kids who used to bully us

Wearing false grievance masked with regrets

They even told me to go hang out with them tonight

I guess finally your death has robbed butterflies their color

Finally the owls find the reason to sleeping at night

To the rest of the world out there literate to read

I wish these words were a half empty of what I feel inside

You seize the life of your loved ones in your flimsy palms

Taking away your life steals away more than just one life

For now I bid fare-thee-well to my sanity and my best friend

I guess you’ve finally given me a Walk To Remember

I smile through tears knowing I encountered an angel

“Don’t call me an angel,” you always said.

“All these angels are only here for a moment.”

Here in my last words I kiss your shadows goodbye

As the rest say Rest In Peace you’ll be missed,

For me Return If Possible I miss you

R.I.P & I love You

© g!o.inked 

Yes, yes, yes...my bucket list...the list i can't survive without. We all know what bucket list is...but for those who don't know what this is...well this is that list that contains all the things you wish to to do, or places you wish to travel to or even food you always wish/want to eat eat before your living time clicks to zero (die)...well, i have been modifying mine ever since i don't know when 'cause when you grow up you, you outgrow some of the passions. Well so here is my bucket list of which i hope i'll manage to clear before i die...God help me, i haven't even done a quarter of the list....so here we go (the one(s) with tick, are accomplished) lol, that if there's any.

Bucket/Wish List
1. Reach the peak of Mt. Kenya....yes, why would i want to start elsewhere if charity begins at home.
2. Visit Australia. This has been my childhood dream and somehow the only dream that i have managed to keep to date. Most definitely, i'll start with Sidney and it beautiful Opera House then to the beautiful coral reefs. I hope this happens to be around New Year, i heard the town gets really colorful during this period.
3. Travel to Nevis. Why? Because my favorite character in my novel in progress is named after this Caribbean island.
4. Visit Charleston, South Carolina. My book made me fall in love with this town. Since the setting of the book is Charleston and i have never been there physically,  i had to do a lot of research about the town and everything about it just made the baby in me scream YAY!! Definitely this is a MUST!!
5. Visit Ko Phi Phi Don, Thailand. This has always been my most desired vacation destination. What more can i say about it? Nada!! Just google it and you'll see the beauty.
6. Watch a movie in a drive-in theater. I know this is so old school and so "The Notebook" movie, but come on, what beats the thrill of watching a movie in a field in your car, with that special someone?
7. Publish a minimum of three books. Okay i know as an author (to-be), i should be talking about thirty books or something, okay that will happen when that time comes but as per now i just want to have my first novel, my poem collection and inspiration stuff in paperback...the rest will come with time.
8. Help someone fulfill a goal. Not for fame or anything but because even i myself i am where where i am because of hands that decided to spare time for me.
9. Go night camping. Okay this totally is insane that i have never been to night camping...day camping, yes i have done that when i was still a scout but i'd so love to spend time just under the stars in nature. I'm planning for one to happen this December, i hope it'll come to happen.
10. Write myself a letter and read it ten years letter. Okay i don't know how i can explain this :D but i find it interesting. I am to write a letter now and never open it until i am thirty-three, i hope the thirty-three year old me, won't be disappointed in the twenty-three year old me.
11. Go sky diving. Totally and seriously who doesn't want to do this? I know i am freakishly afraid of heights but this is the ultimate bonus. At least it will corroborate to me that i can achieve anything.After this certainly i will try bungee jumping.
12. Watch all Marilyn Monroe movies. Well so far, i have managed five.
13. Watch top 100 movies of all time. Yeah this related to the one above and congratualtions to me i have watched like only sixteen. Damn that's bad, well the list is not ever constant and varies a lot but as for me i follow imdb movie list and life'd movie list. http://www.lifed.com/top-100-best-movies-of-all-time and http://www.imdb.com/chart/top
14. Get passionate about a cause. Okay currently i am supporting cancer, breast cancer cause specifically, not that because i lost someone to it but i was researching about it because in my first novel there's a character who is a victim to it and my third novel is a bout a lady succumbing to it. The research did open my eyes to a lot of things and that's why i decided to take it.
15. Take a week long technology hiatus. Yep...a week away from anything that has technology embedded to it. So far i think i have managed two days and that was because i traveled to a very remote place.
16. Throw a huge party and invite all my friends. Okay i have done this except it was not huge.
17. Learn how to play piano perfectly.
18. Record at least three songs, not for fame or anything but just so that one day my child(s) can listen to.
19. Drive a Pontiac Solstice GXP coupe or Jeep Wrangler (whichever edition).
20. Have two dogs, preferably German Shepherds. I basically i am not a fan of pets and since i can't legally own a shark plus it is a bit stressful, I want to have these two.
21. and the final one, set foot on all seven continents. Yes that's right, Africa, Asia, N.America, S.America, Antarctica, Europe and Australia. I hope you don't need glasses to figure out why it is the last on the list. If i can accomplish everything up the list, that means i have finally somehow stepped on all the seven continents.

On the picture is the beautiful twin peaks of Mt. Kenya...So so far, i noticed i haven't accomplished any of the things above, maybe, just maybe because the list is an updated one, there are certain things i am sure i have accomplished that i always wanted to do while i was young, like writing a poem that can draw more than five people to tears.
Everybody should have a bucket list. Stop living a mundane life and make one if you don't have one, or better yet just watch the movie Bucket list, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson and you'll definitely understand what i am talking about . §
In case you need help with creating your bucket list,  just google Bucket List and it will bring you the cool sites that have some crazy ideas of what to do before you kick the bucket. Damn i should have added "stop biting my nails" in the list above...but then, i enjoy this lol...
Next...let's wait and see my top five everything list. Cheers.
© g!o.inked

So a couple of weeks ago i started a poetry contest on Writer's Cafe and i made a promise to the winners that each of them will have their works posted on my blog. I'll start with the winner of the contest.Ever wondered where poetry is born? No words explain this better than the way Kecil have done it here...Enjoy!!!

Dichotomous Poetry by Penulis Kecil
II
We are taught in school to open
a poem, pull out the pieces
make their meanings our playthings.

Poets, they tell us,
weigh each word, search
for nuance unbreathed,
so we learn 16 words the poet could have chosen
in place of the "cerulean" that paints an ocean
across our mindscape and upon our tongues.

We imagine the fingers of his heart
caressing the language, visualise
a pair of hands to hold each word
to the light, to measure it against another.

So we find the poet within-
uncover him in our own self
and sew his work up again;
we give it a new soul,
new meaning.


I
And it may be that some poets weigh their words
on household scales, with lines upon the wall
to mark how tall the last stood; fit them
into each other like the pieces of a jigsaw.



And it may be that some poets taste their words
licked from a spoon, a pinch of this
to match a shake of that; assembled
together like a recipe for the perfect meal.



It is that I would rather divine language's chords
risen in crescendo, blended
in its own harmony; composed
into a symphony whispered in my ear.

http://www.writerscafe.org/penuliskecil

So today i want to to talk about my role models, those that i always look up to as an example and my trend-setters. Well i have been thinking about them and what makes them special to add them to my list or what make me think i want to be like them. It's rather absurd that most of them of them were either drug addicts, are dead or people term them as nuts but i love them.

So first, what do i look for in a role model? See, basically role models are people that we want to be like but as for me, they are people who were somehow like me but i want to be either bigger or better than them so that's why somehow you'll find them as people that society really never appreciated them that much...but i love them because, it is from them that i have learned how to deal with certain stuff and people and life in general, 'cause i say "if he could manage to rise above that problem why can't i?"

So without further a due, let me get  to them...

1. Marilyn Monroe

Yes, Norma Jeane Mortenson, widely known as Marilyn Monroe. Okay right now i know she is a figure that a lot of girls and dudes look up to and worship, plus statics show that she is the celebrity figure that has gained the most fame after her death than when she was alive. Her merchandise have surpassed E. Presley's and M. Jackson's and even The Beatles. 50 years after her death and her fan base keeps grown more and more each and everyday. I must say i am proud of her, i'd want my legacy to live on like that, i'd rather be famous after my death than when i'm alive, because after you die you become a god among men. So what makes Norma Jeane a tick? Well looking at her personal life growing up, she went through some evil stuff like being stuffed into a bag by her own mother, moving from one foster home to another, sexual assaults and torture among others and despite all these she held her dream in her heart that one day she'd grow into a big star. Even after her breakthrough, trouble did not seem to have abandoned her. Most of her relationships were a wreck and when you follow her story well you'll notice she was the girl screaming in the Cinderella dress. Despite the fame and everything, she just wanted to be normal but she could never match the patch....the misunderstood type. Basically that's the type of person that i am too. Despite always being the adored, i still feel like i never belong plus my life is always full of drama and that which everybody want to poke there nose in and not to forget my past, i grew up around some really harsh environment. I love her in the fact despite all the drama she managed to rise and sit with presidents and made herself a brand that people will forever remember. I don't wish to sit among kings and queens but i do hope that my work will some day be the voice to the ones always shut out. Like Norma once said, "Behind the make up and behind the smile, i am just a girl who wishes for the world"...so to shut the speculations, i hope you understand that i love her not just because she is a Gemini, but for many reasons.
R.I.P Monroe, i wish you could see how much we love you now.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_Monroe

2. Eminem

Yeah, this is the part that everybody always goes "What the heck?" and i answer, "you heard me right." Marshal Bruce Mathers III is my second role model. We pretty much all know the background of Marshal. Growing in the black neighborhood, growing up without a dad and his relationship with his mom plus being one of the first white rappers emerging into rap industry. I am not going to go into so much details of his life but we all know him and either love or hate Marshal from his rebel attitude and from him i have come to learn that the society always wants to create you into whoever it wants, thus making a lot of people afraid to stand up and stand out. Everybody is made to believe that speaking your mind is being imperfect and thus if you speak what you think, you are not good. Well most call Marshall a bad influence but i have never heard it anywhere stated that Hailie his daughter, is smoking pot or not going to school, that makes him somebody that can foster a good child then...i speak my mind a lot and i am basically not harmed by it, for i know that when i bottle all that stuff up in me, i'll either end up retarded or dead by 25. From Marshall i have learned that, do whatever you love, go for your dreams at the end of the day not everybody will approve your path. From him i learned that, the pains that people cause me, i can them use as the stones to build myself with, after all being different does not make you a victim but special. "I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There's no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it."

3 David
I am talking about David from the Old Testament for those who know what bible is :') ...I understand to some people he is just a make up story just like superman and stuff, but when the only book you get to read as a child looking for a better tomorrow is bible, then you'll believe that he is real. To me not only is he real, but also my hero. From what aspects though? Well i am a Christian and all those who are like me know that the only thing that makes you special is your faith in God. David growing up, he was the last born in his family and the one that was considered the only thing he could do better is sing and look over the flock of his father. Pretty much if you look at my family i am not well built and strong like my brother neither am i all that smart like my sisters, in fact i used to be one of those considered weak in primary school. Nobody believed David could face Goliath and deliver Philistines in the hands of Israelis, but he had faith that nothing could stop the power that was living in him and with just a sling and a stone, he brought Philistines to their knees. I love that, if i can just have even a drop of that faith whenever i face any challenge in life...i am sure nothing can bring me down. David too rose from nothing to a name that we all know will reign forever. I too want to have that sort of faith that you live each and everyday knowing there's someone you can rely on.

4. My Dad
Well nobody fits this part better than my dad since he is one person i have witnessed life from him first hand. From a distance when you look at him, all you'll see is just an ordinary person, an ordinary dad but i am who i am today because of him. I never grew up with my mother and as we all know how most fathers would be, all reckless and stuff, my daddy never for once forgot that he had kids to look after and he would sacrifice all he had just so that he can see my brother and i happy. From him i have known how to be a better parent someday when i have my kids...at least i'll know how to raise them. From his big heart i have learned how to feel what people go through and never to overlook anyone. From his struggle i now can persevere through the fire (that is a facetious statement, don't try to pour hot coal on me)...and the list is long but you can google Four-to-Nine Steps and read more about him from that poem i poem i wrote. 
 
So there they are, like i said my role models are either dead or considered bad influence; at least my dad doesn't fit in both categories. My role models don't influence my career path as in the case i see among most people...no, mine influence how i handle my life. So don't confuse my mentors and role models. My mentors guide me on how to better myself in different areas of my life and my skills but not my whole life, the likes of Joel Osteen, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickinson, Niccolo Machiavelli among others...

My role models though, are people who set the standard for me and i try to live above it.... 

Next i'll discuss about my mentors. Cheers.

© g!o.inked  

Somebody i did not catch his name once said, when your chances are slim and none, go with slim.

So here i am stuck again on this door that i am always afraid to knock or kick or just open. I mean seriously i know i can do it but basically i don't know what is holding me back. Okay maybe it is feear of failure, but how sure am i that i will be disappointed? i know all these great people that i look up to and adore, made their choice and if they were afraid of opening their doors i probably would be having no one to look up to. I know this ain't the living situation that i want, as a matter of fact i hate normal; it sucks. I want to be great, i want to be that person who when i walk out there on the street people will be whispering behind my back that, "ain't that him?"...yeah that's the sort of life that i want.

So this big question is how do i get there? Since i already know i can be there but how do i get there? What are the doors that i need to knock, kick or just open? Okay first let me see the areas of my strength...i can write music, i can rap music actually better than these people i see on telly, i can write poems that move people, i can write a book and stories...what else? i think i am good at inspiring people, actually the area that i get so much accolades from...mmmph i am not that versatile or maybe there are still some potential talents that i haven't discovered. But from these at least i know my major stronghold-point is writing. So i can be a writer. The big question is what am i doing about it? Um, nothing. Pretty much absurd. Okay i know they say that when you have a talent you don't have to see it pay for you to be happy, as long the world enjoys it...but did that person ever consider what will pay your bills if not your talent....i mean basically, i have to do what i love and that should entail the fact that what i am doing should support me too. I mean at one point or another i have to trade every single thought of mine for a dollar. I have put myself to test and so far people love my writing based on the comments i get like...oh i won't mention names though and i am only going to pick those that i found munificent

I just wanted to say again what a lot of talent you have, you somehow make the sweetest softest emotions come to life in your work without making them sappy or cliche; a skill i think a lot of the people here have yet to, or may never master. Its a thin line but you seem to walk it effortlessly. 

Takes a lot of skill. ~Anon

Your poem Leaking Face has been awarded Evoked a lot of emotion in the Deep Pain writing contest.

 

 Your poem Fading April has been awarded First Place in the Your Greatest Struggle writing contest.

 

Five out of five stars, I enjoy your writing style ~ Anon

 

 Jeez was that heavy. I think I need some therapy just for reading it. I entered the poem "After The Home Coming" about what I went through in 09 after my last Deployment in Iraq in the greatest struggle contest. The same contest this poem's in. Naturally I want to win but against this? I don't know. This is one intense poem man. Talk about broken painful emotion. Wow.. ~ Anon on Fading April Poem

When I first saw the length, I was reluctant to read. But then I started, and I'm...being honest here, I swear I'm on the verge of tears. This story has touched me, and it's funny I read it now, because I was feeling pretty down because I had a fight with one of my friends, and now, I'm actually picking up the phone to apologize. I can't even describe how the words said are so close to my heart, how this means so much to me, because I actually wanted encouragement, and this story is so uplifting, so motivational, and so very sad. Life is indeed short, and we must accumulate as much happiness as we can, and laugh and love like no other. I love the rush of emotions, the heavy flow, and well, this piece takes an honorary position in my 'Favorites' for me...~ Anon on Broken Ticking Clock  

 .....and others that i could not trace.

 

oh and a link to my trophy case  http://www.writerscafe.org/Gio/stats/awards/

So now what? Okay i am working on my first novel that still i can't call it a novel since it is far from over and the storyline keeps on unfolding more and more so i can't really count on it that i'll be some bestseller in a months time...nope. So that means i have to find something to do with the rest of my work because i just can't let them rot as i watch. Maybe i can try and find a space in a magazine company or even take my shot in music industry because sooner or later i'll have to make a choice or choice will make me.

So, today is September 12, 2012...i have three months to 2013. Will i still be sitting here the next time i revisit this post? The other night i was watching the great Steve Harvey talk about his life and how he ended up where he is right now. I can't deny that i envied every single drop of tear that was rolling down from his eyes on how he kept on explaining that you have to keep on living like that is the only option you have left. How God will give you the key to open doors but He will not open the doors for you....i bet this is my time. The difference between achievers and losers is three letters, TRY. Okay take in a deep breath, i know i can do this...i can do this.Mignon McLaughlin in her The Neurotic's Notebook stated that, courage can't see around corners, but goes goes around them anyway. I guess i have to just go around my corner. It's either i embrace the person i am right now and live content with it, or forge the path i want to follow and never look back despite whatever without how(s) and why(s). God help me....

The poem below is written from a child's point of view. A child crying for his tomorrow.

I mop the hope of tomorrows from my eyes

Slowly vanishing into the broken arms of tonight

As I try to satisfy the hunger of my thoughts with why(s)

What tomorrow do we promise the unborn?

You are so blinded to raise trees till you forget to raise us kids

My parents teach me to dread my neighbors as a substitute of loving them

Orders of the day have become follow tattoos and overlook taboos

As you leave footsteps at doors instead of leaving them on our hearts

Love has become of nothing but a game of trophies

Losing a phone is a catastrophe while losing virginity is just an incidence

Our friends have more faith in us than our own families

You walk down the aisle for the profits of divorce instead of love

I see you every Sunday morning nursing hangovers instead of fellowship

Then later set your hopes in gold and when it fails you blame God

Please whisper in my sleep to me who are my role models

You tell me to make me wishes instead of make prayers

You spend every night enjoying the humorous Hollywood stars

But never for once have I seen you enjoy the glamor of sky and its stars

All you teach me is make money from the poor and leave ‘em in bare bellies

Racism is no longer a subject of skin pigment but class

You say you are happy and living the life at its best

While all I see are zombies playing humans; a party of dead ghosts

I look to the sky and it rains down on my velvet suit

The drops of rain tinted in red with tears of the unborn terrified to be born

This is the era where Government rights come first and citizens’ come last

In bookshops bibles cost more than story books

Where emotions pollute environment more than automobiles

They pledge us freedom then inject into us micro-chips to control us

You feed me on genetically modified meals then call me fat

Why do you say you are fighting for peace, when fighting itself is a war?

Why are you looking to the sky for aliens instead of help?

We are all nothing but a leaking hour hand

And before midnight we’ll all be hymns of ghosts

Yes I hear you all say You Only Live Once

But at least leave crumbles for me and the unborn child.

© G!ovanni

Your hand prints all over my heart

Tears falling in broken parts

Shattered and broken I can't find the start

As I gaze at pieces of me fade away with dust in the wind

Every beginning has an end so this end finally begins

What becomes of a lonely heart on a lonely road

Screaming voices in me yearning to explode

Looking for another straying boat to board

Just to be forgotten again as I blend in the crowd

I am not lonely, I am not lonely, I am just empty

I am not sad, I am not sad, I am swimming in envy

I get out of my shell for anyone to see me plainly

But instead I become transparent and fading

I slowly retire to the silent corner of my room

Tears scratching my cheeks as i fold in my misery cocoon

There is a dark heavy storm invading my mind

Death biting his finger-nails relentlessly staring at time

Angels passed out from the celebration wine

Waiting for my hero who is stuck on the aisle

I am yearning to see stars in a sunny morning

I am wishing on a broken star to heal my broken heart

I am looking for a friend who wont alight at the next bend

I am just trying to find happiness in my depths of misery

Yes I am the silent smile in the familiar crowd

The loneliest among friends

I am the coin you didn't toss in the well

The one you believe can't make your wish come true

I am the sun that got lazy to rise

So it rained and I got cursed

I am surrounded with a thousand suns, with no light

I am surrounded with a thousand happy faces, with no smiles

I am surrounded with dozens of mannequin friends, yet all alive

Really, never mind my presence until the next time you are lonely 

♥ GG

So i have to admit love really sucks..or it don't suck until things get worse...yeah that moment you become strange to the one person who could see right through you. I mean seriously why do people change when they shouldn't change the most? 

I fell in love, enjoyed it while it lasted and i was convinced that it was going to last for always...sure enough all it did was lust for always which never came. One day she woke up and i become a stranger to her. She just flipped and didn't want to see me or talk to me. I have torched every corner of my heart and burnt it down looking for "why(s)" but i never got one. I tried to cry but no tear fell down my cheek...it is not that i didn't love her but sometimes you get hurt till you just don't know what to do but pen down the tearless grief of your broken heart.

Well if you read this one day, i hope you understand i never hated you but i hated myself for convincing myself that this was in way different, break my walls down and leave myself vulnerable to you to shoot right through me and desert me torn. The is "the" how much i needed you...

Fading April

You have poisoned my thoughts with your memories

You have become nothing but the death of me

Bit by bit you consume the soul of me

Lift me up then drop me from your silver lining

Break and restore before you break me again

Is your philosophy, as you drink from my pain

Cut me wide open before you walk right through me

My pain your pleasure, my loss your gain

I wake up each morning mourning at your smile

I beg of you please take a break on me

I beg of you to please break my heart

I beg of you to please release me from your wrath

Please just make smile with your absence

Your absence that has scarred me with scars to forever last

Go ‘head and put a cup next to my chin as I cry

Go brag to the world about the latest addition in your collection of hearts

Write it in the sky-line that you are happy

Tell it to the world how you really loved me

Tell them you never meant it and I was the one weak

And I’ll just be making you notes that say “I MISS YOU”

I’ll ink every single letter with blood from my scars

I’ll sink every single pillow with my teary nights

I’ll think everyday why you avoid me yet it hurts me

And I’ll thank you everyday for the love that you gave me

I know it’s not in the options but I still pray you stay

But when you stay you put knife right through my heart

And when you go you rip it out leaving me in broken parts

So as you fade with this month of April I’ll whisper your name

In this poem sealed with lies through so many tears