Now What?

Somebody i did not catch his name once said, when your chances are slim and none, go with slim.

So here i am stuck again on this door that i am always afraid to knock or kick or just open. I mean seriously i know i can do it but basically i don't know what is holding me back. Okay maybe it is feear of failure, but how sure am i that i will be disappointed? i know all these great people that i look up to and adore, made their choice and if they were afraid of opening their doors i probably would be having no one to look up to. I know this ain't the living situation that i want, as a matter of fact i hate normal; it sucks. I want to be great, i want to be that person who when i walk out there on the street people will be whispering behind my back that, "ain't that him?"...yeah that's the sort of life that i want.

So this big question is how do i get there? Since i already know i can be there but how do i get there? What are the doors that i need to knock, kick or just open? Okay first let me see the areas of my strength...i can write music, i can rap music actually better than these people i see on telly, i can write poems that move people, i can write a book and stories...what else? i think i am good at inspiring people, actually the area that i get so much accolades from...mmmph i am not that versatile or maybe there are still some potential talents that i haven't discovered. But from these at least i know my major stronghold-point is writing. So i can be a writer. The big question is what am i doing about it? Um, nothing. Pretty much absurd. Okay i know they say that when you have a talent you don't have to see it pay for you to be happy, as long the world enjoys it...but did that person ever consider what will pay your bills if not your talent....i mean basically, i have to do what i love and that should entail the fact that what i am doing should support me too. I mean at one point or another i have to trade every single thought of mine for a dollar. I have put myself to test and so far people love my writing based on the comments i get like...oh i won't mention names though and i am only going to pick those that i found munificent

I just wanted to say again what a lot of talent you have, you somehow make the sweetest softest emotions come to life in your work without making them sappy or cliche; a skill i think a lot of the people here have yet to, or may never master. Its a thin line but you seem to walk it effortlessly. 

Takes a lot of skill. ~Anon

Your poem Leaking Face has been awarded Evoked a lot of emotion in the Deep Pain writing contest.

 

 Your poem Fading April has been awarded First Place in the Your Greatest Struggle writing contest.

 

Five out of five stars, I enjoy your writing style ~ Anon

 

 Jeez was that heavy. I think I need some therapy just for reading it. I entered the poem "After The Home Coming" about what I went through in 09 after my last Deployment in Iraq in the greatest struggle contest. The same contest this poem's in. Naturally I want to win but against this? I don't know. This is one intense poem man. Talk about broken painful emotion. Wow.. ~ Anon on Fading April Poem

When I first saw the length, I was reluctant to read. But then I started, and I'm...being honest here, I swear I'm on the verge of tears. This story has touched me, and it's funny I read it now, because I was feeling pretty down because I had a fight with one of my friends, and now, I'm actually picking up the phone to apologize. I can't even describe how the words said are so close to my heart, how this means so much to me, because I actually wanted encouragement, and this story is so uplifting, so motivational, and so very sad. Life is indeed short, and we must accumulate as much happiness as we can, and laugh and love like no other. I love the rush of emotions, the heavy flow, and well, this piece takes an honorary position in my 'Favorites' for me...~ Anon on Broken Ticking Clock  

 .....and others that i could not trace.

 

oh and a link to my trophy case  http://www.writerscafe.org/Gio/stats/awards/

So now what? Okay i am working on my first novel that still i can't call it a novel since it is far from over and the storyline keeps on unfolding more and more so i can't really count on it that i'll be some bestseller in a months time...nope. So that means i have to find something to do with the rest of my work because i just can't let them rot as i watch. Maybe i can try and find a space in a magazine company or even take my shot in music industry because sooner or later i'll have to make a choice or choice will make me.

So, today is September 12, 2012...i have three months to 2013. Will i still be sitting here the next time i revisit this post? The other night i was watching the great Steve Harvey talk about his life and how he ended up where he is right now. I can't deny that i envied every single drop of tear that was rolling down from his eyes on how he kept on explaining that you have to keep on living like that is the only option you have left. How God will give you the key to open doors but He will not open the doors for you....i bet this is my time. The difference between achievers and losers is three letters, TRY. Okay take in a deep breath, i know i can do this...i can do this.Mignon McLaughlin in her The Neurotic's Notebook stated that, courage can't see around corners, but goes goes around them anyway. I guess i have to just go around my corner. It's either i embrace the person i am right now and live content with it, or forge the path i want to follow and never look back despite whatever without how(s) and why(s). God help me....