So today I penned down a poem about what I have been feeling off late or what I have not been feeling off late. I say so because where I should be tasting sweet, to me it is tasting bitter. The hardest thing in life is trying to be in love where you feel you don't belong, and as much as you need to be in it and try to fit yourself in it, you still just don't feel it, you know. I met this amazing person and I really tried to work things out with her but it could not...not because of her but because of me. So leaving her meant breaking her heart. I guess the end sometimes justifies the means...she deserves better and so I had to leave my footsteps across her heart, I speak of it as if it is an easy move but it is not. So I penned this poem to dedicate it to her and to let my heart out to the rest of the seven billion people out there..cheers!!

This is my goodnight kiss and your goodbye lullaby
My hymn hoping to heal where I’m about to break
I so wish that these words taste better than I am sorry
For it’s unjust that my presence draws from you life

I really wish that this heart of me would be yours
That you’d be the splendor I awaken next to every dawn
To watch your eyes tango away step to step with shyness
As I whisper sweetness of romance novice to my imagination

But tell me how do I steer with my eyes stuck on rear view?
For my heart that you long for is enslaved in another’s arm
She who which from a distance is too blind to closely see me
Yet to you who is here next to me my heart shuts its eyes

The pain I put you through can’t allow me to stay to sober
I see your words and feel your actions of love that burns for me
Your hopes for us taste so sweet on my flavorless tongue
But I’m nothing but a dark ink writing your tale

I try with my all to feel the same way you feel for me
Instead of falling in love I’m drowning, suffocating in its pool
Dying from the fact that I can’t be the man I want for you
Love should burn in flames but in me it is just ashes

I wish it is you I can truly offer this fragile heart of mine
But you came a minute too late to bring it back from dead
For it hurts me that I meet the girl with all that I adore
But it is her that suffers from this bitter sweet of void in me

You say it is better to have anything than to be alone
But I am a lone wolf, a vessel, a human empty of emotions
And planting seeds on a rock won’t bring forth any fruit
No matter how you water it, the rock will only shatter

On my knees I beg for your mercies to charter me forgiveness
But if it’s beyond your means then do wish me well
For I was enthroned with a curse that every poet suffers
Poets do not fall in love; our hearts are in the pens we hold

I’m sorry that you aren’t the one amid my dreams and nightmares
For you are a beautiful human and I’m just a whisper of a song
©g!o.inked

Okay I'll start with answering a question I'm always asked; "why doth my writing always emboss sadness?" Well here is the plain truth, Jim Morrison once said, "Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they are wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it." Truth is I don't take pleasure in pain, it's just that I adore diversity and since modern age poetry and writing is about love and heartbreaks, what makes me me if I dwell in that same circle? So I took the path of a wake up call, that path that people are assuming doesn't exist when daily we do know it is there. For example some of my previous poems talk about society pressure upon those who can blend in, we assume we are not killing them that they are the ones killing themselves and nobody wants to talk about them, so I wrote it. In this next poem called Cinderella and Prince Something talks about two leukemia victims who are teenagers and their last minute love.At first I really didn't want to share this piece with the world but then for the support of fight against all sorts of cancer, I have to...I hope you enjoy it or...you enjoy it....

Cinderella and Prince Something
The minute finger was echoing in her dark hope
Reminding her she was one of them at the bus stop
The ride of her lifetime assured of no return
Shivering in the arms of pain under her blanket
At fourteen, terminated and to be erased

She closed her eyes, counted her departing dreams
Every girl was usually rescued by her knight
Her mom found her dad and her sister, a boyfriend
She guessed her knight must’ve gotten lazy to armor up
At fourteen, she had never kissed a boy

She heard a mild, nervous yet a beautiful voice
She didn’t open her eyes for she knew it was a trance
With dashing hopes she hoped it was her chance
To be rescued and for once feel an embrace of a boy
At fourteenth count she opened her eyes to a beauty

He was sixteen with blue eyes that outstood his bland skin
With a frozen smile he told her she was beautiful
Strangest word from a stranger yet familiar from the family
I see Horoscope lied when it said cancers can’t love each other
At fourteen, she finally felt she belonged to this world

She became a Cinderella and he was prince something
He took her to two dates and a masquerade party
While others were clothed as monsters and princesses
They went as two leukemia patients with no deceit
At sixteen minutes to midnight she finally had her first kiss

After her first kiss she never heard again from him
She got angry when she thought she wasn’t cute in bald
Or maybe her lips had a savor of blood she had puked
Or maybe it was midnight and she outgrew her shoes
At fourteen, she had sixteen minutes of love

An ocean once serene turned to a sad song
The only tune she knew ended before her first dance
Others hated life while to them life was a riddle
It was something in his smile that gave her strength
It was his smile that made her live fourteen minutes longer

Her silence bled regrets of joy she robbed her family
She was worried of watching them troubled by her
So she asked for one last sunset to kiss her goodbye
So she asked for one last sunset to kiss her welcome
Fourteen and sixteen dead but with beating hearts

Four minutes away still your tongues reading this
Three minutes away she smiled hopelessly
Two minutes away she hugged her family
A minute away she hugged her prince’s absence
No minute away she found him waiting for her

He said to me, “You leave while we wait.”
She said to me, “You live while we fade.”
©g!o.inked

So finally i managed to pen down the emotions that were clouding my heart and preventing me from dealing with my past. It is amazing how you can get over someone without moving on and that's the single mistake i guess i have been doing each time my relationships fall off the edge of the cliff. So for the first time i am going to chin up, dust the dust off my coat and say, i am fine and mean it without hiding treasure that i still carry from the past. But first things first...drain off all the emotions in your heart.

So i am going to take step by step as i update this diary of a silly Gemini on my progress...so this is day one...i flush off the emotions that i hide in me, be it anger or love and the best way for me is to write a poem. Amazingly i did manage to write this one below...so i blog it

LEAKING FACE

Here I am penned in pain writing you the last of us

I write this sitting among mourning chamber of gods

Who weep for me and dry their tears with clouds above

So that I can quench my pain from drinking theirs

I am the loser who awaits to fall as winner takes it all

I try to pretend everyday that you and I are over

I clothe truth with garments of lies about my pain

Until yesterday when I heard the winds whisper your name

Your name with someone’s who had replaced mine

I choked from the stench of memories I can’t erase

And lies that you had me enslaved with by you

How you painted a perfect picture of hope I held dearly

About tomorrows that you held so high just to tease me

How foolish was I to fight just to hold onto nothing

Like when I tried to kiss you and you pushed me away

Why couldn’t I see that you were saving your lips for him?

Another victim you’ve lured by your charms that now kill me

To you it was so easy jumping out of a flying plane

Because you knew we would fall so you brought your parachute

You landed on your feet and made merry at my broken pieces

I died and resurrected from the misery you left me in

But despite growing wings I find myself crawling back to you

Because I hunger for your pain that you had me addicted

You gave me so much endless nights on short days

The best adventures of my life I explored them with you

But you took me deep in the jungle where for a reason I never saw

Until you left me because you knew I’d be lost without you

Thanks to you now I can see the world in a single color

Thanks to you now I can’t listen to my favorite songs

Because they play nothing but memories on how we danced to them

You’re the last hero in armored suit that I’ll ever need to save me

For you come protected with an ambition to wreck me

Then brag that you kept your heart safe from me

This love was never a game for winner to be crowned

But truth is we were just racing for a destiny that was never there

You won and finally found that one to replace me

All I did was write Fading April hoping it would quench me

I hope you use my silly jokes I made to make you smile on him

And lie that I’m just someone you don’t want to remember

When we know that I am the past that gave you your present

Don’t worry I am not in tears I just have a leaking face

Melting from the candle lit at the base of my heart

As I become a record that broken hearts play

© g!o.inked